Today we have an awesome mailbag for you. I just spent over an hour responding to an email from Leo in Germany, and I have decided to use it as a mailbag since I did it free of charge
.
It is long, but well worth the read. In the future, one question per email is fine
, but I chose to respond to all three because they are in fact very good questions. As always, feel free to send me any questions or comments. Off to the mailbag!
Hey Maverick,
I really dig your vids on youtube and your site. I have three questions:
1. What elements of pickup do you consider essential? First I was all into natural game only (and in fact, going direct and honest works ten times better for me than a incongruent opinion opener) but I have the impression that especially some theoretical concepts like compliance is important if you want to get anywhere. So what besides your compliance helix do you think is vital for a good pickup?
Hey Leo,
Thanks for the props! I appreciate it. I have been traveling the world for the last few months, so I haven’t been doing much to the blog or youtube, but you can bet there is some exciting stuff to come in the next few weeks! I am also working on my first hardcover book, which has three parts to it, one of which is all compliance based game and another which is all stripper game. Right now my game looks quite different than even what is going on in the frames I talk about on youtube, it actually has to do experimenting with deep comfort and qualification, as well as totally switching up the classic order of a pickup, and it is still highly evolving (and producing ridiculous results equivalent to when I first learned the power of frames, which I DO still use by the way), so I can talk more about that later.
1. I am always 100% honest about who I am and what I believe in. To me that is a value that transcends meeting women. I also prefer a direct approach about 80% of the time, but there are situations where going indirect, situational, or opening with banter are more effective. To answer your question, I think that comfort and logistics are two of the most underrated aspects of pickup. People always get really heavy into attraction when they first get into the community, and I get that, it’s good to know how attraction works especially when you have no idea when first starting out what attraction even looks like. But really no one gets laid from attraction alone – unless you are doing pure flash game, dancefloor game, or bathroom pulls. For a regular pickup, it is comfort that counts. Being able to express yourself as a real person, but from a position of strength and natural attractiveness. Someone she can both level with but also be inspired by, to be around you and feel those good emotions around you.
The second thing is logistics. Having good logistics is important – whether you are trying to have sex with her after the club lets out or on the 3rd date, if you have crap logistics you are going to struggle and probably fail. In my opinion, in order of importance:
Comfort and Logistics>Attraction
If a girl feels comfortable being around me, I can sleep with her. I don’t need a crazy ton of attraction, routines, or hand waving. If she feels a relaxed, confident, positive vibe being around me, she will feel attraction at some level and I can escalate off that.
If I have a girl alone with me in a place where sex could happen (ie good logistics), it probably will. The attraction that she needs to feel is really just some minimal amount, what counts is good logistics where she will not be at risk for looking bad, feeling bad, or otherwise being endangered, and the comfort of being around me that I stated above. After that, it is just being myself and bringing her into my reality while escalating physically and verbalizing my intent. If you are coming from a position of core confidence she will very likely go along with what is happening.
2. How do I effectively create sexual tension? vin dicarlo says it’s a controlled aroused state without overt kino – rsd on the other hand preaches to “claw” the girl immediately and be aggressive. what do you think is better?
2. There is a difference between sexual tension and physical escalation. In fact, physical escalation will often break sexual tension, but you can also create it with touch as well.
For me, I create a lot of my sexual tension verbally. There is a video coming out very soon on my blog in which I share my system for that, called “Pace – Prep- Go”.
Physically, one way I create sexual tension is through intense eye contact. Another is through body rocking out of the set to do a takeaway. This can look like having a general air of disinterest, followed by a probing verbal escalation. This is the essence of push pull, and I leverage that A LOT in my interactions with girls. Teasing will build also sexual tension. So will joking around in a very exaggerated way about anything, but especially about topics like sex, relationships, and awkward things that happen between people.
3. I’m moving to a new city soon and want to make the best of it, that is having a social circle of high value people. You mentioned in one video that you would talk about that too. is there a video online? where do you see the line between authentic curiosity (asking people about themselves that they actually feel apprechiated) but not putting them on a pedestal on the other hand?
thanks a lot for your help!
greetz from germany,
Leo
3. This comes in qualification, in the way in which you get to know people and interact with them. Really a lot of resources in the community that teach qualification in a classic way (A3) have it pretty wrong. Qualification is a lot of things, and one thing it can be is the frame or way in which you present yourself. For instance, have you ever asked someone a question with just a slight difference in tonality and noticed that sometimes you can be supplicating to them and other times you can be challenging them by asking them the very same question?
The difference in that example is the frame from which you ask the question – the second way you ask the question operates from the frame that you are qualifying them and it assumes value on your part. What we are doing here is qualifying people from a place of value. I am a very visual person, so I like to think about this type of qualification as “qualifying down” to someone, like the way a boss would ask an employee what they are doing (a lot of people will misinterpret this or think I am being an ass here – the distinction comes from body language, tonality, the expression on your face, and the general air you are putting off). The key here is to not be an ass about it, don’t take advantage of people opening up to you (one of the worst things you can do), and by making sure to reward them (honestly) when they do qualify. That last part is important. When you qualify someone you are coming from a place of value to them, but when they meet you halfway, give them some of that value back, which rewards them authentically and encourages further investment. Also qualify on things that are meaningful to you, and in general have meaningful interactions with people. This authenticity, coupled with an interest in getting to know people from a place where you both now have mutual value (as opposed to a place where you are trying to take value from them or give them false praise just for the sake of qualifying) will lead to more meaningful interactions with people which will result in people in general wanting to be around you.
As far as how to actually build a high value social circle, there is a lot to be said about that, and I can’t fit it into an email. I’ve toyed with doing a video or product on it, but I’ve just got too much on my plate right now to even entertain that idea. Maybe after my book comes out, the next half dozen articles on queue come out, and the next few videos we are editing are released, but not until then, haha!
Like I said big things about to come to the blog in terms of adding lots of value to the community. Stay tuned.
M